First-Gen Grad Turned Motivational Speaker With Aaron Vilaubi
Join us as we welcome Aaron Vilaubi, a motivational force with a mission. A first-generation college grad, Aaron has lived the journey he advocates, moving from career services in higher education to inspiring diverse audiences nationwide. Leveraging neuroscience to fuel motivation, he's here to empower a new generation of leaders. As one of the leading Latino voices in motivational speaking, Aaron's story is not just about personal triumph but about the drive to lift others. Get set for a transformative conversation with Aaron Vilaubi.
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First-Gen Grad Turned Motivational Speaker With Aaron Vilaubi
Welcome. I'm thrilled to have a conversation with Aaron Vilaubi, a trailblazing motivational speaker, and an athlete with a rich background in career services in higher education. As a proud first-generation college graduate, Aaron channels his experiences to inspire a new generation in academia and sports using dynamic strategies and neuroscience to fuel motivation and success. He stands as a leading Latino voice in the motivational speaking realm committed to expanding that community.
Aaron, welcome to our show.
Thank you so much for having me. This is a pleasure. This is an honor.
I was reading your bio. You said that you are a first-generation college grad and that was your biggest accomplishment so far.
One of the tops, for sure.
Tell me. Why was it so big?
It was so big for me because, and I’ll tell this story when I give a speech to students as well as to corporations or cohorts I speak to. When I got my diploma on the day of graduation, it took 16 steps to go from 1 end of the stage to the other. I counted them out because it was so vivid and a special moment. I thought about everything that my parents had sacrificed to do and everything that they had done to give my sister and me the chance to go to university. They never had that opportunity, but they had the wherewithal to say, “I’m going to plan now so that that future is possible for my children.”
It took 12 steps to go from 1 end to the dean. I shook his hand, took the picture, and that whole business. I waved to my family and took four steps off the stage. Every step that I took, I was thinking of the teachers, the mentors, and the complete strangers who gave me a word of advice or their time, effort, or money into me in some cases, believing that I could be something in the future.
When I walked across that stage, it wasn’t just me, the college grad where I was like, “I got my diploma. Aaron got his diploma.” It was, “Mom and Dad made this possible. Mrs. Johnson from my PE fifth grade class made this possible. She believed that I could play baseball in college one day.” It was the people who told me, “You couldn’t do it,” but still were a part of that story that led to the college graduate that I am. There was a culmination of life experience and academic struggle that I was able to overcome holding up that diploma was so much more than saying, “I graduated from school.” It was the start of a new future and unmapped territory for my family.
I’ve told this story as well. When I got my diploma and then I got the white-collar job at a desk, I didn’t know what to do because it was not sweat equity. My mother was a flamenco dancer. The more shows she did, the more she got paid. My father was a firefighter. It was very labor intensive. You were physically tired and labored at the end of the day. That meant you put in a hard day’s work. That’s what I was raised on.
Hard work looked like sending emails, making phone calls, and going to client meetings. In my head, I was tired, but I was trying to figure out even that territory of, “This is what hard work looks like. I need to adjust my dials and look at this through a new frame.” A lot of learning came after, but having the chance to even explore that territory, that’s what was happening in those sixteen steps. It was a huge accomplishment because it wasn’t me. It was everybody that poured into me
That’s amazing. You counted your steps.
I really wanted to soak in the moment. I’m sure you’re familiar with Clifton’s StrengthsFinder and Gallup. My number two is futuristic, so I have a tendency to think ahead about what's going to happen in the future and what’s going on ahead. That has its advantages and disadvantages. The disadvantage is that it yanks me out of the present, like, “What’s happening right now in front of you, Aaron, focus on this.” The good part is that I get to partner with people who are much better-skilled at that than me and keep me in check.
That was one of the moments in my life where I was as present as I could possibly be. I wanted to soak it in and think, “This is where four years has now come to. Four years have led it to this, all the friendships, all the failed tests, the extra study hours, and the interterm courses between sessions to catch up on my degree, not knowing if I was going to make a class or not. This is it right here.” I wanted to soak it in. I had my family members in the audience. That moment was so special for me, the sixteen steps.
Memorable Teachers
Maybe there’s a book in that, what you remembered in each of those steps. Let me go back to your teacher because you said, “I was thanking one of my teachers.” This show is for parents, teachers, and administrators. Why do you remember that one teacher? You even mentioned a name.
She was one of a few. Her name was Mrs. Johnson. She was my fifth-grade PE teacher. She had so much charisma and she had so much fun with us as kids. At the time, I was 10 years old in the 5th grade. You don’t understand these things because you’re so young, but in hindsight, and I’ve spent some time thinking about this, she made a point to give us attention to make us feel seen and recognized, like, “You do this really well.”
I played little league baseball my entire life. Baseball got me into college. The little league was a park over. I would tell her, “Ms. Johnson, look at this. I could throw a baseball. I could throw this tennis ball.” I said, “I am one of the harder throwers in the league.” Whether I was or not, I would tell her that. When I would throw it, she was like, “You’re really good.” It spoke belief into me.
What I loved about her doing that was that it had nothing to do with anything she was teaching in PE class. She wasn’t teaching me how to do jumping jacks and sit-ups, run the quarter mile, or whatever it was. That was her recognition of me being able to do something, which is that confidence. It is instilling the belief that, “If I can do this, maybe there’s something else that I think I can do well that I do well.” I’ve told this to people before. The best teachers that I’ve ever had and the best coaches I’ve ever had with baseball and sports weren’t my favorite coaches or teachers because they taught me something about the subject or the sport. It was because they taught me something about life.
The best teachers and coaches are those who teach you something more than the subject or sport and impart important life lessons.
We had a baseball coach. One of the best summer balls I ever played in my life, which was the tail end of my career with baseball, was when we would travel for games, we would all hop into a van. We traveled locally throughout California. We weren’t allowed to leave. He wouldn’t start the engine until we all sent a text or called a parent, a guardian, or somebody who supported our baseball journey. He’s like, “We’re not leaving.” We’d have to show our phones. We’d have to show receipts and say, “I sent it to Mom,” or, “I sent it to uncle,” or, “I sent it to my neighbor or Godfather. He’s like, “Now we can go.”
He was teaching us gratitude. He was teaching us self-reflection, like, “No one is ever self-made. You didn’t get here on your own. Somebody believed that you could do this, and you’re here now. They deserve that recognition.” He was teaching us something that had nothing to do with baseball. That had everything to do with life. It’s the same way with teachers. Every vivid memory I have of someone who’s made an impact on my life, it’s because they taught me how to be a better contributor to society, a better man, and a better human being.
Fixing The School System
They also respected you. Even though you were young, there was mutual respect between you and the teachers. It’s very important. I don’t know if you know, but there’s a big problem happening in our school systems. Students don’t want to be there because they don’t feel it’s relevant to learn what they’re learning in the classroom. They don’t see the point. What do you think about that? Is it what you learned in the classroom? Is it relevant to what you’re doing?
I used to work in higher education. After I graduated from the university I attended, I worked at a marketing agency for about six months, and then I got recruited to work in the career services office at the university I attended. The constant debate, especially at the collegiate level, is what’s the ROI of college? Is it worth it? Is college a scam? Is it worth its merit? Is it only good for the science? Does it make any sense to do anything else?
I’ll preface my answer with that it is my opinion and it is based on my personal experience. I don’t pretend to speak for everybody. I don’t want to pretend to speak on behalf of a huge group of people. This is my own opinion. I’m a first-generation student. I know that the education I received has opened doors that my parents couldn’t have had without an education or weren’t able to have because they didn’t have that same path.
From a money-making standpoint, could you put tens of thousands or sometimes hundreds of thousands of dollars into an education or a degree that may or may not apply to the real world? Yeah. That’s a huge risk. I studied marketing in college. I worked for a marketing agency. When I graduated, I was a junior project manager. Only about 20% of what I studied tangibly applied to my job, which was a marketing agency. I studied marketing.
Honestly, that was a real awakening for me, thinking, “I got the degree. I should know how to do this. I should know how this works. I should know how to answer the question, “What is marketing?” beyond five simple answers like, “It’s social media, billboards, commercials, and campaigns.” Now, I don’t know what else to say. I should know how to be more thorough with that response. Is it my fault? Did I not learn enough? Did the teachers not teach me properly?”
There is something to be said for the tangible element. You cannot expect that because you have a diploma, you’re set in stone. I very seriously preach this to college students when I speak to them, saying that college is not a ticket. It is a tool. You have to learn how to use your education. You have to ask questions. Build relationships with your professors, like, “I’m studying this marketing degree right now. I’m still trying to figure out how to apply it. What do you think the real-world application of this lesson that you’re teaching us looks like?”
Oftentimes, students don’t know what it looks like, so they don’t recognize, “This is that lesson we’ve learned. This is how I do market research. This is how I apply data to this decision. This is how I know that there’s a positive response from what we’re doing here.” They often don’t know that because they’re so focused on, “I got to pass the class. I got to get the A.” That’s the conversation I’m sure you’re familiar with an A in the class doesn’t mean an A in life.
On one side, there are some holes in the education system where as far as the real-world application could be refined. However, to say that there is no ROI on college, that the education system is failing entirely, or that students don’t want to show up, that also requires an element of educating the students beyond the subject. It is asking them, “What are you here for? Are you here because mom and dad told you or are you here for a reason?” I was there because I knew that my parents didn’t have the chance and I was going to have to blaze a new trail and create a new future for my future family, my future kids and my future wife that I don’t have yet. It’s planning ahead. It’s the futuristic part of me.
Understanding what you’re there for is the conversation that students need to have that teachers aren’t taking the time to do. For the few that do, they are the real heroes because they give the students a direction to head in. Aristotle said it, “If a man knows not where he sails, no wind is favorable. You don’t know if something is helping you or hindering you. You have to have a North Star. You have to have a direction that you’re headed in. If teachers can do that much, that’s when you go from teacher to educator.
Education doesn’t have to remain in the classroom. If teachers can make that little adjustment, it doesn’t take much. Meeting the students where they’re at and saying, “What are you here for?” and helping them realize what they’re there for would help them look at college and education through a lens of, “I know how to apply this, I know how this works.” Going in to get the A is a conversation that has really permeated throughout the student experience. When they graduate, they’re like, “I’m no longer trying to get an A. Now what?” There’s no real skill that’s developed. That was a long-winded answer.
If teachers can make little adjustments, they can meet students where they are and help them realize their purpose on this world.
Also, there’s no relevance to what you’re doing. If you don’t know why, you’ll never want to do what you’re being asked. It’s forced.
One of the biggest benefits of working in the career services office when I was in higher ed was we were required to be familiar with all of the strengths assessments, the Enneagram, the MBTI, the Myers-Briggs, and your Clifton’s. It gets further to explore some of the free professional personality tests. Red Bull has one. Not to endorse them, but I know that they have some stuff out there. DISC is another one. That is a very famous one.
In taking those assessments, I was starting to see a common thread between all of them that said, “This is my natural skillset. I like to talk. I like to communicate. I like to socialize. Now, how can I use that and pair it with a passion or something that I have a background in? Maybe there’s a career path there. Maybe there’s a way for me to take classes that reinforce those innate strengths and allow me to partner with people who are maybe better at some of my weaknesses.”
I know that people we’ve been to with masterminds, they’ll say, “Work on your strengths. Hire your weaknesses.” That’s a professional application. The educational application of that is to work with students who are better at certain things than you are, and then you reinforce and support them in the areas that you’re stronger at that they aren’t.
My job was to work with recruiters. My job was to get recruiters to recruit from the school. If I had a chance to meet with students, I would say, “Are you working on school projects? Don’t let the answer of, “I know how to work on a team,” stop at school projects. Say, “I work on school projects, but I intentionally pick the people who are good at things that I’m not good at.” That’s self-awareness. That’s critical thinking that will set a recruiter to think, “I need to pay attention to this candidate.”
Becoming A Motivational Speaker
When did you decide in your career that you want to be a speaker?
The word that comes to mind is interesting. I[1] graduated from school and worked in a marketing agency. From studying marketing, I thought, “This has got to be the fit.” It was similar. It was sexy. It was fun. It was fast-paced. I got to work with Adidas.
Before you answer that, why did you leave marketing? Answer that and then tell me why you wanted to be a speaker.
I graduated from school and went to a marketing agency called Starch Creative. They’re still around. U l love them. I love those people. I had a great experience. They were patient with me. I was there for six months and I got to do some really fun stuff with Adidas, Fox Motor Sports, Vans, and all the action sports. It was super fun.
I then got recruited to work at the university by my then boss who I told no the first time she reached out because I was having such a good time. She said, “The perk of being a full-time staff at the school is if you want to pursue a Master’s, you get a nice discount.” As a first gen student, that’s a pretty sweet offer. I never even thought of going for a Master’s. In my head, it was, “Graduate. Done. Come to work.” Master’s could be a huge advantage. It’s pretty hard to pass that up.
I talked with my former boss and the company owner saying, “This is what happened.” I was very transparent about it. I had a great relationship with them, so I could do that. I didn’t have to do it in secret. Ultimately, that was a good sell point, but I left on very good terms with that organization. I still keep in contact with them via Instagram and check in on them, and they with me. I was there for about almost five years.
I knew that I liked higher ed, but the ceiling for growth within higher education was pretty low, as I’m sure you know. If you want to make more money, you have to put your twenty years in or you have to wait for someone above you to retire, which they’ll be there for however many decades. It’s a bit of a long stretch, or you have to hop around school and hope for another title. It’s a strategy, but it’s not a strategy that I wanted to take.
I had an opportunity to move from higher education into the industry of consulting. Corporate America. Everything I knew about Corporate America up until that point was recycled air. It was gray walls. It was that you said hello to people in the hallways and stood by the water cooler. Every stereotype of Corporate America was all that I knew.
I didn’t really like the idea of working in that environment because I had an office, going to a cubicle, but I knew that it was going to be significantly better pay. It was a consulting firm. A small boutique one, but great pay. I knew that I was going to be working with people my age and that we’re all wicked intelligent, but I wasn’t sure what else to expect. I also wanted the accolades of a consultant on my resume.
An opportunity came. I had a friend who worked in HR there. He helped me through the recruitment process and I was able to get hired there. The biggest mistake I made though was that I was more excited to leave the university than I was to take the job at the consulting firm. For any young readers who are out there, if you’re a student who’s looking to change careers or you want to make more money, I’ve had jobs that paid significantly less that I loved.
The marketing agency, for example. They were a startup. They paid me half of what I had verbally committed to a different job in retail, but I didn’t want to do retail. I took the passion job and loved it. I worked in higher ed and liked it, but there was a ceiling for growth, and that did pay me more than the marketing agency. I then took a job that was really for money. It was for a title and a resume boost, but it killed me. The work was soul-sucking.
I clearly like to talk. I like to socialize. I was sitting behind a computer for seven and a half hours a day, digging through Excel files that were big enough to stall my computer. My computer nearly crashed several times. They’re 100,000 rows down. These things are very complex data sets that I need to understand, “What’s happening here? How do I articulate to a client that a project is going well or not so great? What’s the solution?” There’s a whole lot of understanding that you got to do there. I loved who I worked with. I loved the people. The pay and the title were great, but the job or work itself was killing me. It got to a point where my physical health, mental health, spiritual health, and everything had hit a low.
I’m not sure if you’re familiar with that story. I’ve never been the person to have those dark, negative thoughts. I’ve never been that person. Look at any baby picture. I’m a happy smiling kid playing with dirt and eating worms. It was that kind of kid. I had gotten to a point where it was so low that it was depression. It was scary. I’ve never been that way, but I was able to work through that.
In the process of digging my way out of that hit of darkness, I connected with James Dixon who we both know. I’ve been following Absolute Motivation for about two years. I loved the motivational channels. I loved the motivational speakers. I knew who they all were by voice and name, but I didn’t know who James was. I’ve been following this channel. I’m like, “Who is this guy?”
I dig through the credits and find this guy’s name. It was James Dixon. I’m like, “Okay.” I look him up on Instagram. I’m like, “I think this is the guy.” I sent him a nice message saying, “Mr. Dixon, my name is Aaron. I want to say thank you for the message and the words that you’ve put out on Absolute Motivation. I’ve been following it for about two years. It has done a lot for my life. I want to say thank you. Keep up the great work.”
I figured that at the very worst, I sent a nice message to a random James Dixon who’s not him, so then I got to keep looking. James has got a great message, but it was the right James. He replies to me. He follows me back and sends me a voice note. This was February 2023. We started having 45 to 1-hour-long conversations on the phone. We would talk about life, work, family, faith, future, and dreams. I would tell him, “I got to be a speaker. I’ve been putting out motivational content on my Instagram for the past five years, most of which was with radio silence. I am not trying to get a paid gig or anything like that, but to put some positivity in the world.” He was like, “Let’s stay in touch.”
Little did I know that over the next six months, he was scouting me for Absolute Motivation. He wanted to see, “Is this kid really what he’s talking about? Is he going to walk the walk?” That’s when he invited me to Prosperity Camp. That was on a Wednesday. I was on a hot seat on a Wednesday, so opportunity chairs. By Friday, he approached me and said, “Would you like to be a part of the Absolute Motivation team?” I was like, “I would love to.”
It was a long drawn-out process of doing things for passion because I enjoyed them not for money. I was doing things that were in the middle ground and then doing things for money that were soul-sucking, and then realizing I had to go to such a low to realize something needed to change. When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change, the pain of staying the same has never been so high. This is entrepreneurial. You eat what you kill. You have to do the cold outreach. You have to make sure your message is tight and strong. It was terrifying, but that was not nearly as terrifying as standing where I was and James happened to enter my life at the right time.
Why do you want to speak to young people? You said you go to schools, colleges, and universities. Why did you choose to do that? What is your real why?
From the bottom of my heart, if you look at my website, I have athlete, speaker, and servant. Athlete and speaker are two outlets that I have for making an impact. Servant is the biggest word of them all. Everybody wants to help people. You can ask anybody, “What do you want to do?” They’d be like, “I want to help people. I’m inspired by helping people. That’s what I wake up in the morning to do.” It’s like, “How, and in what manner?”
I’ve told this to students, the story of how my mother would always tell me, “Use what you know to figure out what you don’t know.” As I’ve gotten older, that phrase has become, “Use what you have to obtain what you don’t have.” What I have is a voice. What I have is a knack for speaking. What I have is athleticism. Maybe if I use those correctly, then I can obtain what I don’t have, which is paying off my family’s house or sending them on a vacation that they deserve. It can also be reinstating the sports, arts, and music programs at my middle school that got cut when I was in the eighth grade because I know what they did for me. It’s so much not about me.
I was speaking about motivation for four and a half years until I finally got in touch with James. It was five years until something happened with Absolute Motivation. I don’t do this because I want to look like the guy. I don’t want to be Insta famous. That has so much not to do with it. That is completely out of the question. It has everything to do with trying to leave all people, places, and things better than I found them. The best way that I can do that while using the God-given gifts that I believe I’ve been given is to speak.
If I’m going to speak and the power of life and death are in the tongue, I want to speak life. If power is in the tongue, maybe I have a more powerful tool than I realize. Maybe I can stir hearts. Maybe I can change economies. Maybe I can uplift people who are going to be the next president of the country who are community changers or community leaders. Maybe that’s riding on me and my ability to speak and my willingness to speak more rather. My why is so much about being in service to the world. If I stay quiet or I stay on mute as James would say, then what I’m doing is spiritually criminal. I have to do this.
Negativity On Social Media
I like it. You are speaking to young people. There are a lot of students and young people who are depressed, but when they look at social media, everyone’s happy. They’re posting happy pictures. It’s not a place you can really share, “I’m feeling not good.” Since COVID, that number has risen. How can people like that be helped by what you are sharing?
Thank you so much. My message is to combat the negativity on social media. I did, at one point, have this chapter of my life where I wanted to make money on social media. What did I do? I followed all the hustlers and the entrepreneur accounts where people were posing in front of Lamborghinis and they got the watches. Without me being aware of it to my naivety, I didn’t know it was all fake. I assumed that’s the lifestyle they live, and that’s the lifestyle I want.
I followed them and said, “How do you do what you do?” There’s a chapter of my life and also part of the book where it’s social media and snake oil. You’re selling Instagram growth or this follow-on-follow service. You’re selling a bag of goods to people so that you can get paid or so they can bankroll whatever lifestyle you’re trying to front on social media. It took a little bit for me to realize that something here wasn’t right. I was able to separate myself and make right on anybody that I’d ever sold any type of service or product to and say, “I’m so sorry. Do not continue with this service. I’ve learned something that I didn’t know before. I apologize for that.”
I’ve had a close look at the fakeness of social media to the point where you’re going to photo studios where it looks like a private jet, but it’s the prop inside a whole of it. It’s fake money. They're fake Gucci bags. They’re Fucci bags. The window on the private jet is a motion picture. You can hold your phone right up to it and can change it to look like Fiji or Paris, or daytime or nighttime. You would never be able to know the difference.
The kids out there or students out there who are locked into this comparison of what they see on social media, I’m no exception to it. I’m better at it now than I was. Know that so much of social media can be faked. It’s shockingly and scarily easy to do. My mission is to be as authentic as possible on social media and be as authentic as possible in everything that I do and win. It is so that those kids who are stuck in this comparison trap realize that there is a way to win without faking it and that there is a way to win without having to dress in a scantily clad manner in order to get attention and likes. You don’t have to do that. You don’t have to sell out in the name of trying to go viral. I promise you. That is a fruitless pursuit. It is not worth chasing.
How I can benefit those students is by being an authentic example of what winning looks like the right way. There’s a quote that says, “It’s taking longer for you, but it’s taking longer for you because you’re not trying to scam people. You’re not trying to sell them a bag of goods. You’re not trying to connive and manipulate your way to the top. Take your time.” I’ve been in the rooms where I’ve been very close to people who did operate that way. In that same room, there was somebody who had 20 or 30 years more of industry experience who would look at me and look at the other person. This other person who claimed to have XYZ or 123 would look at them and I could see that they could see right through them. It’s because that other person did it the right way.
They talk about how real recognizes real. Real recognize fake. If you want to be fake or you want to fake your way to the top, I promise you we’ll always get found out. You might be able to get from level 1 to level 2 to level 3, but from 3 to 4, 4 to 5, or 5 to 6, no way. I promise you. It is not worth it. I almost went down that track, but I was fortunate to say, “Backpedal. Restart.” It’s one of the best decisions I could have possibly made.
That’s why the Absolute Motivation channel is so amazing because it shows the real stuff. We talk about the real stuff and the real things that we face. We talk about fear, anxiety, sadness, and comparison. We talk about everything.
People will feel that no one understands them. You can throw a rock and hit somebody who understands you, but it’s about the willingness to share that pain or share that story of overcoming. Something that I tell people is when I was in such a pit of low points in my life, people would say, “Find the light at the end of the tunnel. Stay positive.” I get that, but I wasn’t even in a tunnel. I was in a valley of darkness. If you don’t find the light at the end of the tunnel in a valley, you’re not in the right setting.
What they should have told me was, “You don’t look for the light in a valley of darkness. You become the light.” When you become the light, that’s when you can look down and see your feet, like, “Now I see the path I’m walking on.” You then start walking and your light gets brighter. You start looking to your left and your right and see that there are other people in the dark who are lost like you, but you’re bright enough to lead them out. That’s the purpose of that pain. That’s the purpose of that authenticity that Aaron is being willing to stare in the face and overcome. Staring it in the face is very scary. It requires vulnerability and courage. It’s full of uncertainty. What I found is that the longer you stare at it, the more that you’re staring at cowers.
Vulnerability requires courage. Life may be full of uncertainty, but the longer you stare at it, the more that uncertainty goes away.
Influence Of His Parents
You’re a young person. You stand with such conviction. It has to come from your parents. I know it comes from the parents and the value systems that they started to share with you. I am seeing parents having a hard time parenting because the world has changed. It’s not easy to parent anymore. It’s not the same parenting that you and even I had. Especially seeing you speak like this, I can see there was a lot of strength from your parents that was given to you to be the person you are.
Thank you for that. I really appreciate that. I credit so much to my parents. They set the example. They taught me right from wrong very early on. I have an older sister. She’s twenty months older than I am. She’s my best friend. To my core, I would do anything for her. We dreamed together, like, “This is the life we’re going to live. We’re going to do this.” She’s my older sibling. The joke that we had growing up was that I was the older sibling. She said that was the more responsible and more disciplined one.
Also, you’re a futurist. You had the future thinking.
I was constantly thinking ahead, “What are the implications of what I’m doing now? How does this set me up for failure? How does this set me up for success to the best of my ability?” My dad was a firefighter for 37 years in LA City. That by nature of the trade is regimented. It’s As and Bs, Xs and Os, and 1s and 0s. It’s very, “Yes, sir. No, sir.” He taught me that early on. My mom was a flamenco dancer. She is artistic. She taught me musicality in the world. She taught me how to be a gentleman. She taught me how to show up in that way. They positively reinforced behaviors that were respectful.
One thing that I always remember my parents doing for my sister and me is whenever we were on our best behavior in public, my parents always made it a point to tell us that they received a compliment from someone else’s parents and how much it meant to them. I always remember that. I couldn’t tell you what exact situation, but I remember getting in the car and Dad saying, “Aaron and Savannah, when we were out there today, Ralph and Jenny made a comment saying that you were both so well-behaved and some of the most well-behaved kids they had ever seen. Know that from Mom and Dad, that means the absolute world to us. We can’t even tell you how much we appreciate that.” I vividly remember that.
When Mom and Dad reinforce that behavior and they positively recognize that you’ve done something that they’ve asked, you want to do it more. They started with me very early. They had that heads-up and that awareness and were giving us love that they may not have received when they were children. They took that pain and said, “Do I want to perpetuate this or do I want to change it?” They broke generational curses in one generation.
For me, I reflect on that upbringing that I had. I’m not naive to the fact that I have a two-parent household and that nowadays, that can be very rare. I have the benefit of that. If I can be a type of male role model or a father figure of sorts, if that leaves a generation of young men better than I found them, if that means that they can show up for their parents, teachers, classmates, or peers in a better way, if I give them enough courage to tell a buddy of theirs, “You shouldn’t be doing drugs. In high school, you shouldn’t be skipping class. You should work hard at your sports. You should work hard in the classroom,” if I can be an example of what happens when you do the things you should do, then I see that as a positive impact.
I credit my parents for the example they gave me. I’ve seen examples of kids doing things that didn’t serve them and saw the consequences of doing the things that they shouldn’t have done. It was equal parts being told what I should do, seeing what happens when I don’t do it, and making mistakes. I don’t sit here and pretend like I’ve never made a mistake and I’m this perfect, goody-two-shoes kid. I made my mistake because I’ve messed up time and time again. It was about being willing to learn from them and trying to strive towards a North Star. Give them a North Star to work toward.
I see that you have some grounding. You are very grounded. Does that come through your parents? Did they give you that or are you doing something to ground yourself? You’re grounded when you’re speaking.
I cannot, in confidence, say that it happened without my parents. They instilled these practices and these beliefs into me from a very young age. I’m sure that they have created a foundation for me to build upon. From there, it’s been a combination of nurture and nature. I come from sports. I played baseball. One of the metaphors that you say in baseball is you can fail seven times and still be a hall of famer. If you’re playing baseball, when your batting average is 3 hits out of 10 bats, you’re batting 300, but you’re a hall of famer. You could say by the nature of the sport, I played for 17 or 18 years of my life. Resilience was embedded in practice. It was embedded within the culture of the sport. That transferred to my day-to-day living.
For me, religion plays a huge part in it too. I was raised Catholic. That, for me, keeps me grounded. It keeps me willing to distinguish between right and wrong. I’m like, “Is this good for me? Is this bad for me from a religious standpoint?” I give all the credit to God for that because there’s no way that I’m doing this without him.
James has become a vessel of God for me. I feel that God sometimes speaks to me through James. When I’m fortunate enough to hear God myself, I feel like a message comes out better. Everything that I am is a result of people who have been willing to pour into me. I’ve tried to do right by them and build upon the chance that they gave me.
Speaking To Young Audience
You’re a speaker. You’re speaking to who exactly? Is it young students or university? Where do you speak?
Primarily universities, colleges, high schools, and youth sports organizations. For clarity’s sake, I’m 28 years old. I started college several years ago. I had my ten-year high school reunion in 2023, which was a blast from the past as well. Primarily, the benefit that I have with those audiences is that I’ve got enough distance to say, “I’ve seen some things. I don’t know everything and I will never claim to, but I’ve had some experiences that you can benefit from.” I’m also close enough in age to where the students don’t feel so removed from who I am.
Do you see a lot has changed for who is 18 now compared to when you were 18?
Yes and no. Yes, in that my generation had the tail end of knowing what it was like to play until the street lights came on. The joke is we had one thing to play with when we grew up, and that was called outside. You played outside. That’s what you play with. You’re driving in the car and the most entertaining thing you have is trying to see if your favorite drop of water reached the bottom of the window. We didn’t have iPads. I had a game boy growing up, but we knew what it was like to be without electronics for a little bit.
The young generation, especially high schoolers or eighteen-year-olds, were born into Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok. They were born into that. With how prevalent it is for businesses to succeed, every business knows you need to have a social media presence and a digital footprint if you want to succeed. There’s demand for those jobs. These kids don’t have a choice. It’s hard to avoid it.
The problem is it’s easy to fake on social media. It’s very easy to be influenced by what you see. If someone is winning, if someone is prettier, if someone is more muscular, dressed well, or what have you, fill in the blank, it is easy to be influenced by that. I was spared that at least. I couldn’t imagine being in high school now and the pressure that these kids are going through.
One of the best things that I heard Gary Vee say to a parent who asked, “What do I do about my kid with social media?” is that he said, “You can do 1 of 2 things. One, you can take all social media away from them.” Let’s be real. That’s probably not likely. Even if you take away their phones or block all the apps, they’re going to go to a friend. They’re going to go on their computer. They’re going to find a way. I saw somebody had used Twitter on a refrigerator one time because they’re all high-tech and digital screens.
You either take aways social media or you boost their self-confidence in such a way that whatever online troll has to say about them, they’re not going to believe it. If you give them enough confidence and enough evidence of, “You come from a great stock. You are going to make a difference in this role. You have done XYZ. That’s how I know you’re going to do great things in this life.” If you reinforce that, they’re going to have a mentality that’s going to be strong enough to face the internet.
You’re right. 100%. It’s not about avoiding. You can’t avoid technology anymore with AI and what’s coming up. They’re part of that world. You can’t keep them protected, so introduce it. I always say to have balance and boundaries. As parents, we have to set them, and on top of them, make sure that they understand who they are. There’s no comparison to who you see on the internet or listen to those people. They’re not your role models.
With everything that I’ve said this entire episode, I do not have children. I very much look forward to the day. I do not need to have kids tomorrow. I don’t need to have kids in nine months. When that day comes, I’ll look forward to it. In everything that I do, I’ll give a lecture on intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. For my intrinsic motivator, one of the most deeply set motivators that I have is that one day, I want to be the best father I can possibly be.
Everything that I’m learning about finance from trying to build a financial foundation to learning how to handle liars to what if my kid gets bullied? How do I give basic medical attention in case my kid gets hurt? Also, loving their mother to the best of my ability are all things that I’m constantly keeping track of so that when the day comes for me to be a father, I’m as ready as possible.
I know you can never be ready to be a parent because there’s no handbook. There’s no manual on how to be a parent, but if I can do something to prepare for that day, then I will. That being said, I can be completely wrong in everything that I’m saying. I’m not going to sit here and say, “This is how you can be a good parent. This is what you should do,” because I’m not a parent.
All I can offer is I’m closer to the generation, I grew up on the tail end of this technological wave, and I at least was able to make enough good decisions that I feel kept me out of some trouble that my peers fell into. I’ve also had a very close look at the world of social media in the worst ways, and I’ve also seen some of the greatest things come from social media.
I got in contact with James Dixon because of social media. I’ve been able to put a positive message out and receive wonderful messages from people because of social media. Is it all bad? No. Is it all good? Definitely not. I will not pretend like I am a parent and I know how to parent because I do not, but one day, I do look forward to that chapter of my life.
You’re grounded. Your message to yourself is very grounded and from a good place. You said, “I want to be the best.” That’s all you can do. That’s why I released my new book, Cracking the Parenting Codes.
I’m sure it makes complete sense why your book went to a top seller as fast as it could because the title in and of itself is enough for parents to be like, “I want to know. I didn’t know that there was a code. I’m glad that there is a code. I want to know how to crack it.”
There’s not one code. Somebody said, “It should have been code.” It’s codes because your parenting style is different from my parenting style and another parent’s because we’re all different. This is coming from the school system where we think we all learn the same way and apply the same model, but it’s not. We’re all different. There are codes. You’ve got to find your own code that works for you from your belief system and what you want for your child. The values are so important. That guides us.
There’s a quote that I loved referenced. It’s about the talent genius argument. It was Emmanuel Kant who said it. It was, “Talent is hitting a target that no one else can hit, and genius is hitting a target no one else can see.” I don’t think the educational system has spent enough time leaning into that metaphor, genius hitting a target no one else can see.
Without a doubt, there are students in that class who are geniuses trying to hit the talent target, but they don’t realize that their genius is music. They don’t realize that their genius is art. They don’t realize that their genius is empathy. There’s got to be a different avenue that the student can take if you show them or that they already can see, but they’re trying to force themself into the talent mold or into a very specific type of copy-paste outcome that they never have a chance to explore their genius. No wonder why they get discouraged by education.
That’s because there’s no creativity. There’s no space for creativity. We have to fit into that curriculum. We have to force-fit that. When you force fit it, anything else you say outside of it, you’re going to be called, “That’s wrong.” You then shut down. You’re not going to say it because that’s wrong. You’re like, “If it doesn’t follow what they’re saying, I can’t say it.” From a young age, if you develop that, you don’t have the opportunity to shine your genius.
In one of my key talks that I give, I talk about how numbers never lie. The statistic for 1st generation college students graduating from university in 4 years is 27%. The statistic that they graduate from the college period is 20%. That’s according to Pew Research. This is out of 2022 and 2023. It’s 27% and 20%. 20% odds. That’s 1 in 5 that are going to get their diploma. It’s 20%.
When you talk about odds like that, you have to give them a format. Give them something that they can work toward. If you try to copy-paste everything, like this very structure of, “You’re wrong,” or, “You’re right,” that statistic is only going to get worse. There’s a lot of genius in there. There are a lot of great examples that come out of there.
When I talk about statistics, according to Pew Research, 27% of 1st generation graduates in 4 years and 20% that they graduate. A lot of room for failure. I talk about how numbers never lie. That’s true, but they never tell the whole story. If you stop at numbers telling the whole story and believe, “The numbers tell the truth,” that’s what I feel is implied.
Why I’ve never liked that phrase is because if numbers never lie, you think that they tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The 4.0 student isn’t guaranteed an A in life. The 2.4 student isn’t guaranteed a fail or a C in life. They talk about how A students become good employees, B students work for the government, and then C students become entrepreneurs and CEOs of companies. There’s always a funny joke. It’s like, “Ten years out from school, I’m starting to see it.”
It’s true because it unleashes their creativity. In that model, they are not able to. This time, there’s no more model. They’re like, “I’m free into the real world. Now, I see problems that I could solve.” That’s an entrepreneur. If you can see a problem that somebody else cannot solve and you solve it, you’re an entrepreneur. You have a business.
There’s a book by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi called Creativity. He is the godfather of flow in neuroscience. I love that area of study. He talks about creativity being the connection of two seemingly unrelated distinct points. By bringing them together, you create a new solution. That’s creativity. Do you see that a lot from the educational element? How do you think that the educational system can help students pair those two seemingly far-off points and bring them together? How do you think the school should adjust or the education system could accomplish that?
It’s not even possible to make any adjustments because we’re at a point where the students don’t want to be in that environment since COVID. They saw that they could study from home. They look at it as, “I’m going to surrender myself into jail for the next six hours. You’re going to tell me where to sit and stand.” They don’t want an education.
That’s why there’s a huge fight happening between the students and the teachers because teachers are not managing that behavior. When you’re managing behavior, you become like a police officer. The relationship switches. It’s no longer the students who want to learn. Teachers can’t teach. At the top level down, they are enforcing this curriculum and testing. You see the whole three elements are in a friction. There is so much happening that it can’t be fixed. That’s the sad part.
Students need to get what they want. I always sell this example. If you have a storefront, you put merchandise out and you’re like, “Why isn’t anyone buying? No one’s buying.” You’re then like, “It’s because the merchandise is not what they’re looking for.” It’s what we’re doing to our students. We’re bringing them to school and putting out stuff. They’re like, “I don’t know why I need to study this. Tell me why. I don’t see the point. I don’t want to study.”
We are giving merchandise to people that they don’t want and we’re asking why they aren’t taking in all this information. There’s a huge problem happening. That’s why a lot of passionate teachers are leaving the profession. They don’t feel satisfied being part of babysitting or policing their students. They want to really be helpful to make a difference. They want to transform their students. They want to see them learn.
I’d be very curious to hear your opinion on this. Not to switch roles and question you.
Ask me.
Impact Of Video Games
I’m genuinely curious. What’s your opinion on the argument of how these students and kids may be too young to fully understand their decisions? For example, you could have a nine-year-old boy who loves video games. He says, “I want to learn video games. I want to learn about this.” I loved video games when I was a kid. I would play eight hours of games. I’ll fully admit that.
I did too. I played Mario. I had to pass every level.
For me, it was a game called Top Spin. It was a tennis game. I didn’t even play tennis, but I was like, “I’m so into this,” and playing it for nine hours a day. My parents, at one point, put a limit on that saying, “Not good for you. You shouldn’t do this.” I remember I had straight As and then I got my first B. My dad said, “No,” and then pulled the plug and tucked it away. I didn’t see it for the next two years or something like that until my grades came back. At that time, my nine-year-old brain would’ve said, “This is it. I’ve been missing this. This is what I want to do.”
You’re familiar with neuroscience, the reward neurochemicals, and the perpetuation of behavior. Where’s the fine line between these kids getting a premature dopamine kick from something that they feel very compelled to versus not hindering their ability to make decisions that really are something that they are close to and driven to pursue?
For example, we have students who like video games. Let’s use that example. You can teach reading through that. Through their interest, you can teach reading and math through that, the whole interest When someone’s interested in something and I talk about that, my students are hooked. We’re not serving them from a place of what their interest lies in. We’re serving from something far off in the distance. It’s called the curriculum because we set it and standardized it.
Grade ones are getting full testing to prove they can read and write. Grade ones don’t know how to take tests on the computer, first of all. Tests are being done for grade 1 and grade 2 students. By grade two, many of our students think, “I’m not capable because look at my test score.” By grade two, they’re already checked out. They’re like, “I must be dumb because look at me. I didn’t even do well on that test.”
A lot of teachers tell me that some of these kids don’t even know how to maneuver the test they’re being given on this computer. They don’t get a lesson on how to press the button to answer the question. There are a lot of things that are happening that are not in alignment with these kids. I don’t think grade one should be tested that hard.
I don’t know the validity of it, but it was about Japanese schools and how they don’t receive tests until the fifth grade. Is that true?
It should be. If they are doing it, it’s awesome. Testing has to be done in the proper way. Testing can be done without getting a proper test. I can quiz you on certain things without you knowing I’m quizzing you. It doesn’t have to be paper and pen where they have to sit and write and we’re going to do a test. That will put anxiety on that kid. He’s not prepared. How many of us got lessons on how to prepare for a test? Does a school ever teach us that?
No.
Does a school ever teach us how our brain works? We control it every day. It’s controlling us every single day.
I remember when I was a kid, I watched a show called Drake and Josh. It was on Nickelodeon or something. If you’re familiar with the show or for anyone who’s not familiar, Drake was the cool guy. Drake and Josh were brothers. Drake was the cool brother. He was a rock star musician and a singer, but he didn’t really do well in class. He wasn’t exactly a star student. His brother, Josh, was the nerdy stereotypical guy who did well in school but wasn’t cool in the social scene.
Drake needed to pass a science test and he couldn’t get it. They were learning chemistry. It was about atoms, molecules, and that kind of thing. Josh was trying to tell him like, “This is an atom, and this is a molecule. It’s a bunch of atoms together. That’s what it looks like.” It wasn’t clicking for Drake. He’s like, “I don’t get it. I don’t get what you’re telling me.”
Josh took a moment. He pauses and walks around. He says, “You are a musician. You play guitar.” He’s like, “Yeah.” Josh is like, “An atom is a single note. That’s you plucking one string.” He’s like, “Okay.” Josh is like, “A molecule is a chord when you’re playing all the strings together.” He’s like, “I get it.” That’s what comes to mind as you’re talking about this. You have to frame it through something that the student can understand.
My son was taking grade eleven Science. It was Chemistry and Biology. He said to me, “I didn’t do that well in the Chemistry part, Mom, but I did really well in the Biology part.” I said, “How did you do?” He was like, “I watched all the Magic School Bus. I knew it through there about how all our systems work inside our body, so I answered every question right.”
It didn’t come from a book or someone going, “Learn about your stomach. This is how your stomach works or your digestive system works.” He got it from the whole Magic School Bus series, which we watched again and again when he was young. He was four years old and he remembers it greatly.
That’s a great example.
You have to teach it through what they are interested in, and we have to teach our kids how to learn. We tell our students what to learn all the time. We have to stop that. You really have to teach your students how their brain works. It’s like, “How are you going to be in control of your brain? You control your brain, not it controls you.” If we can do that, they’ll win in anything. They’ll learn everything. Until that system comes, that’s what I do as a learning success coach with my students. I teach them to understand their brains.
The world needs more teachers and more educators like you, without a doubt.
That’s our movement. We have over 200 learning success coaches I’ve trained.
I remember you shared that at one of our team meetings. That was such wonderful news.
This is what these teachers are becoming so that they can deliver this type of learning. I don’t even like the word education anymore because of what it has become. It’s about learning. It’s a curiosity. “How do I learn?” is a curious place to be versus, “It’s an education.” You have to educate yourself.
Stay learning. Keep learning.
Closing Words
That’s a lifelong thing. It never stops. There’s always something to learn. This has been amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. I see a very grounded young man coming up, a motivational speaker for our students. It’s so needed to hear your voice for our students and young adults because, since COVID, I know that many of them have lost hope, especially when a system is not supporting them the way it should. You will help a lot of students and young people. Thank you.
I really appreciate that. Please know that that is no small compliment coming from you for the educator that you are, the teacher that you are, and the mission that you have to bring effective learning to this country and to students. They say teaching is the hardest job second to being a parent. You are the unsung hero and the backbone of this country.
I mentioned this. I wouldn’t be who I am without the teachers and professors who poured into me and fortunately instilled that confidence in me that made me want to show up the next day. It’s a big difference when you want to show up to school or when you have a motivation or an incentive to do well. Fortunately, I had enough teachers to give me that, but I think about all the students who didn’t have that and what could have happened in their younger years. When they’re 10 years old, 8 years old, or 13 years old, those are critical moments in their life. What could have happened if they had educators and teachers like you? What you’re doing is beautiful work.
Thank you. Let’s make a difference together.
Let’s do it. I’m ready.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you so much.
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There you have it. That was a great interview with Aaron. He’s a twenty-year-old young man who is becoming a motivational speaker. He has been working on this for a long time. He said, “I’ve been trying to do this for five years.” With his mentor, James Dixon, he is going forward with becoming and living as a motivational speaker.
He speaks at colleges and universities to young people and athletes. That’s where he wants to apply his motivation. What he said that was really interesting is that sometimes, we get out of college in university thinking, “This is what we’re going to be,” but look at him. He exited the college with a degree in marketing. He did apply himself in different jobs that included marketing, but he wants to be a motivational speaker.
When we get out into the real world, we really explore our creativity and what we are drawn to. In the school system, unfortunately, the curriculum dictates what we learn, and sometimes, we take programs that might not be relevant. The job of an education system is to make you grow your neurons and think critically. Unfortunately, the creativity does get sucked. We don’t have that in the classroom.
When I look at Aaron for his age, I see a young man who’s grounded, has great values, and has a future where he wants to be the great dad or the best dad ever. That’s why I asked him, “Where did that come from?” That came from him being part of a family that showed him love and showed him what value systems they believed in. They shared that with him. Also, he said he remembers how their parents used to give them compliments when other people have said they behaved and they did a great job.
As parents, we need to take the time to acknowledge our kids’ good behaviors. Also, when our kids are not behaving the way we want, we want to be there for them. We want to make that a lesson and teach them through that how they could be better. Instead of saying to our kids, “Behave better,” or, “Do better. Do good,” we should show them how to be good. I always say that in our society, we’re always about the end result. We tell our kids, “I want you to behave well. I want you to have a positive mindset. I don’t want you to misbehave,” but we don’t show them how to do any of that stuff. I want you to look at the ways that you can help your child to behave good and feel good. It’s important.
I love these conversations. The reason that I wanted Aaron to be on this show is because I want you to see that when you are able to give a family a home life as a parent and you can give and install the values that you want in your child, your child will grow up to be someone like Aaron who’s grounded and has a great value system himself.
Look for Aaron’s motivational speeches on the Absolute Motivation channel. I’m also part of that channel as well. We share amazing messages on that channel. That channel is different from all the other people who pretend to motivate because this is the real stuff. We take different speakers and speak to others about how we all struggle with things but we can make it. We can walk with confidence out of the struggles we go through. Whenever you want real motivation for your child, for yourself, or for your children, always tune into or search up Absolute Motivation. That’s where Aaron speaks and I also speak. There are a lot of other people that also speak on that channel. Thank you so much for tuning in. I’ll see you in the next episode.
Important Links
Instagram - Aaron John | Servant, Speaker, Runner
Absolute Motivation - YouTube
Aaron-Vilaubi - LinkedIn
Aaron Vilaubi - Speaking Inquiries - Calendly
About Aaron Vilaubi
Aaron Vilaubi is a motivational speaker, athlete, and servant. But prior to being a speaker, he worked in higher education for nearly 5 years in career services. He himself is a first generation college grad, which till this day is one of his greatest life accomplishments. He loves speaking to colleges, universities, high schools and sports organizations where he inspires the next generation of leaders to lean into their dynamic characteristics and strategically leverage neuroscience for motivation and goal accomplishment. He is one of the few Latino motivational speakers in the country and seeks to grow that number.
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